The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we

were running from.

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.

The calmer I appear, the more dangerous I am.

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one...what's your plan?

The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.

I wasn't ignoring you. I had to walk my turtle.

Why do we use our blankets as shields at night? Like is the monster gonna be like ” oh crap…..they have a

blanket..RRRUUUUNNN!!!!”

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!

Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly.

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those ones magically live forever!

90% of the ocean remains unexplored and y'all telling me mermaids don’t exist? Screw you.

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop...

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. You think you're cool, you think you're classy. Reality Check:

You're really trashy.

I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith

in other people.